Taking The Time To Rest
Some people struggle with being unproductive and procrastinating too much. I am not one of those people. I seem to struggle with being too productive. Everything in my life is about striving, hustling, being more, doing more. I feel guilty when I take the time to simply live and I know others who feel this way too.
I work part time at catmandu, an IT company, in the morning, then I go directly home and work for another 6 or 8 hours on my photography business. If I didn't do the work who would? It has to get done now, I tell myself. My clients are relying on me. There's always more and more to do. The only times I take a break are to make dinner, clean the apartment, go running, or run errands. And those things are an annoyance that take time away from the things I need to be doing.
God had been telling me to rest lately. Actually, he's been telling me to rest my whole life...I just haven't been listening. On Sunday he told me to rest but I ended up working all day. And when I do actually take the time to rest, I don't rest correctly. Yes, there is a right and a wrong way to rest. My rest includes crashing on the couch and binge watching Netflix. That's what I call unsatisfying rest.
I think of rest like I think of tithing. The rest I'm referring to is not simply "me time." I hate that phrase. If you're like me you already spend 90% of your life in "me time," focused only on your wants and your needs. The resting time that I'm talking about is the time that was never mine in the first place. With tithing, that 10% of my income that I give back to God was never mine to give away. It was always God's...I am just giving it back. During rest, I am giving my time back to God. I am praying, talking to him, worshiping, and reading the Bible. He always tells me, "Kayla, I just want to spend time with you." That's all.
Mason and I are working on reading the Bible more together because I'll be honest, it hasn't been a regular activity in our marriage....though we both know it needs to be. The other night Mason asked me what passage I wanted to read and I told him to ask God. However, I decided to ask God myself and God told me to read Hebrews 4. I told Mason what God told me and though he seemed incredulous that God just told me that, we read it anyway.
And guess what the passage was about? You guessed it. REST.
Okay, God, I get it.
It's time for me to accept the gift of rest that God is trying to give me.